By: Will Stevenson
Injuries are plaguing the NFL as they always have. Sunday night’s Giants vs Packers had 5 starting defensive backs unable to play between both teams. The Browns had to play Mr. Man-Bun himself, Charlie Whitehurst as Cody Kessler left the game Sunday with a rib injury. Aside those matters, some teams just plain suck. Granted, bad teams are bad because they play better teams, but in the NFL, if your scheme is good enough, you can rattle off some wins here and there. Every once in a while you a team you play may have 6 turnovers in a game, or some fluke things may happen. For the teams in this week’s Powder Rankings, they just suck. Plain and simple.
*Phillip Rivers was once again down in the fourth quarter, with two minutes to go, and lost*
*The Panthers and Bucs are both 1-3, they’ll be back next week*
*The Giants are 2-3, their secodary is plagued with injuries. Their free agent aquisitions aren’t coming through on defense, but it’s a transition year. They aren’t that bad*
*The Raiders, Eagles and Rams are this close, l—l’m (fingers mimmicking this close) this close to being on the powder Rankings. The Raiders win close games against bad teams, the Eagles are in the NFC East so I think they are automatic frauds, and the Rams have as many touchdowns as Creflo Dollar’s jet.*
1. Chargers 1-4
I feel bad for a guy like Phillip Rivers who has to go through this every single week. It’s as if he’s turning into Matt Schaub, except he’s a much better quarterback than Schaub and he doesn’t throw pick six’s like him. With the Chargers being 1-4, it’s not a bad 1-4 since they are in all of their games. It’s just the simple fact they give the game away every single week.
2. Browns 0-5
The Browns will have as many starting quarterbacks as they have losses. It also seems they will have another new coach and direction after this season. The Browns haven’t even played a bulk of their divisional games yet.
3. 49ers 1-4
Eww, Blaine Gabbert is very terrible. Chip Kelly is just as bad, especially when you don’t have the talent on offense to supplement the fact Blaine Gabbert is your quarterback and Jeremy Kerley is your go-to receiver. I’m all for Colin Kaepernick starting, I just feel somehow he will become the scapegoat for their failing season. This isn’t Madden, you can’t win when your team rating is 65.
4. Jets 1-4
Oh my, when a team is bad, there’s usually a specific weakness, whether it’s the passing game, yards per carry, or defense. For the Jets, their secondary is horrible. I actually picked the Jets as my upset of the week until I watched NFL Matchup as Merrill Hodge explained how their secondary was giving up touchdowns over 40+ yards every single week. Todd Bowles is on the hot seat as usual, but the players on the field haven’t helped at all. Ryan Fitzpatrick is still their quarterback.
5. Dolphins 1-4
Tough week for Miami this week. The Marlins and Canes went down, and the Dolphins are still suckage(suck-garbage). They are a model of inconsistency as their offense has continued to be garbage truck juice. Eventually, Adam Gase is going to have to cut ties with Tannehill before he gets him fired.
6. Jaguars/Saints (Bye Week)
They are both still terrible.
7. Cardinals 2-3
With a win against the 49ers last Sunday… The Cardinals are still bad at this moment. If they can become more patient on offense instead of going for every big play unsuccessfully, they’ll be the team NFC teams feared last season.
8. Bears 1-4
I have to give some props to Brian Hoyer, he’s not that terrible but, the Bears still are.
9. Colts 2-3
They are going to end Andrew Luck’s career if they allow him to sit in that pocket and not block for him. I understand they run a lot of deep routes in Indy, but that time is allowing him to be hit 15+ times every single week.
10. Bengals 2-3
I suppose Marvin Lewis will be able to survive this one. It’s the same as when TJ Houshmanzadeh let for the Seahawks coupled with Chris Henry passing and the Bengals were shifting towards a running game. AJ Green is great, Andy Dalton is average. They have 2 running backs that are slightly above average. It’s not as if they are Super Bowl contenders, it’s just that they usually succeed early in the regular season.
11. Titans 2-3
Another win could get the Titans off this list. Their inconsistency keeps them on here. Name 10 Titans. Since Jeff Fisher left. Go.
12. Lions 2-3
Matthew Stafford is sure to get Jim Caldwell fired. The most interesting thing for the Lions was the look on Golden Tate’s face win Marvin Jones caught a touchdown in the back of the endzone, I love a salty receiver.
13. Texans 3-2
Just because you have a winning record doesn’t mean you stink. Told you Brock was average. The Texans are usually frauds with them being in the AFC South, but that doesn’t take away from the fact they aren’t a good team. Ever.
14. Ravens 3-2
Weak offense. Running backs are below average, Steve Smith is hurt, and Smoking Joe Elite-ish Flacco is putting up 18.8 points per game. Those are Antawn Jamison numbers: 2 losses ago they were undefeated frauds. Now they’re 3-2 frauds.