Raw 8/1/16


By Jacky Chen

Monday Night Raw, 8/1 episode.

Philips Arena, Atlanta, Georgia.

The night kicked off with Sasha Banks and Charlotte roasting each other up. Sasha stuck it in Charlotte’s face that she was the champion and Charlotte called her a one-night stand. Sasha replied that Charlotte’s the daughter of Ric Flair and if it weren’t for a one-night stand she wouldn’t even be standing here. (Shots fired!)

Chris Jericho interrupts Sasha and calls Charlotte royalty. He proceeds to insult Sasha by calling her the boss of purple hair and stupid idiots. Enzo Amore interrupts Chris Jericho. Sasha and Enzo then call Jericho and Charlotte “a couple of haters”.

Mick Foley interrupts and sets up a mixed tag team match up next.

Charlotte and Chris Jericho vs. Sasha Banks and Enzo Amore

Kevin Owens is a guest commentator in this match.

As Sasha hit the backstabber, Dana interrupted the match but was hit with a forearm by Banks. She falls off the apron and Charlotte attempts the roll-up but is countered by Sasha with a roll-up of her own. Jericho climbs into the ring and Sasha slaps him. Charlotte took advantage of the distraction and hit the “Natural Selection” for the win.  After the match, Chris Jericho hit a Codebreaker on Enzo but is saved by Big Cass.

Winner: Charlotte and Chris Jericho by pinfall (Natural Selection-Somersault Cutter)

Match Rating: 8/10

Braun Strowman vs. A local competitor

Byron Saxton: “Much like I asked your predecessor last week, why in the world would you get in the ring with Braun Strowman.”

Guy: Why? Cuz I get a thousand dollars, and if I win, I get five thousand dollars.

Byron: Well, I think you would have better luck winning Powerball jackpot but good luck dude.

The jobber named Evan Anderholt was dominated by Strowman and finished off with a reverse chokeslam.

Winner: Braun Strowman by pinfall (reverse chokeslam)

Match Rating: 2/10


Golden Truth (Goldust and R-Truth) vs. The Shining Stars (Primo and Epico)

Goldust started the match off with Primo while R-Truth plays Pokemon Go. As Goldust goes in for the tag, R-Truth moves. He drops his phone and goes to pick it up, ignoring Goldust. Primo rolls Goldust up for the win.

Winner: The Shining Stars by pinfall (rollup)

Match Rating: 2/10


Seth Rollins interrupts an interview between Michael Cole and Finn Balor. Rollins says that Balor is “okay” but he is better. Rollins calls Balor a bad remake and compares him to Melissa McCarthy. Balor says that even though Rollins is very accomplished, it doesn’t change the fact that he’s going to win the championship. Rollins says that the chances of Balor winning at Summerslam are the chances of the Atlanta Braves winning the World Series. Rollins claims that he is faster and better than any other opponent Balor has ever faced (yeah right). Balor says that while he earned the title shot, Rollins had it handed to him. This makes Rollins mad and he says that the only thing that will be handed to him is the championship. Balor screams that the only thing handed to Rollins is his @$$. Rollins tries to surprise attack Balor, but Balor counters (botch) and drives Rollins out of the ring with a kick to the head.


Mark Henry vs. Rusev for the United States Championship

Mark Henry is almost double Rusev’s size but that’s his only advantage. Rusev is faster and better. He puts Henry in the Accolade and makes him tap out.

Winner and still United States Champion: Rusev by submission (Accolade-Camel Clutch)

Match Rating: 4/10


Rusev then cuts a promo about how the Olympics are rigged. He says that no man can take away his title. He calls himself a super athlete and a natural-born winner. He starts speaking Bulgarian and Roman Reigns’ music hits, cutting him off. The two men face off and Rusev looks like he is going to back out. However, he surprise-punches Reigns and takes Reigns down. Rusev bounces to the ropes but Reigns jumps up and takes him down with a big clothesline. As Reigns went for the Superman Punch, Rusev ducks out of the ring. Reigns leaps off the steel stairs and hits the Superman Punch.


Darren Young vs Titus O’Neil 

The two former tag team champions squared off pretty intensely. Young was accompanied by a (just as crazy) Bob Backlund. The Gator rolled Young up for the win.

Winner: Titus O’Neil by pinfall (rollup)

Match rating: 3/10


Nia Jax vs. A local competitor 

Ariel Monroe was the lucky victim, I mean, opponent of Nia Jax. Jax picked up the victory after a leg drop. Saxton interviewed Jax and asked her how it felt. Nia proceeded to attack Monroe and said: “Ask her how it felt.” Does Ariel get a thousand dollars?

Winner: Nia Jax by pinfall (leg drop)

Match rating: 3/10


The New Day (Big E and Kofi Kingston) vs. Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson

Xavier Woods was banned from ringside for this match.

Big E hits a belly-to-belly suplex on Anderson and tries to tag Kofi Kingston. However, Luke Gallows tries to prevent him but is tipped out of the ring. As Big E was about to make the tag, Gallows pulls Kofi off of the apron. Anderson kicks Big E in the head. Anderson and Gallows “Too Sweets” each other and Big E rolls up Anderson for the win.

Winner: The New Day by pinfall (rollup)

Match rating: 7/10

After the match, Anderson and Gallows (what great losers they are) attack Big E. Xavier Woods, who was banned from ringside,  comes out and attacks Anderson but is taken down after Gallows pulled on his hair. Big E is then dragged into the steel post, groin-first. It was later reported that he is (storyline) injured.


Cesaro vs. Sheamus

Sheamus Irish Whipped Cesaro but the latter jumped off the ropes and hit an uppercut. Cesaro called for the Cesaro Spin but was kicked in his weak shoulder by Sheamus. Sheamus attempted a roll-up but Cesaro kicked out. As they got up, Sheamus went for the Irish Curse Backbreaker. Cesaro rolled off and hit a quick Neutralizer to pick up the win.

Winner: Cesaro by pinfall (Neutralizer-Inverted mat slam)

Match rating: 8/10


Heath Slater says that he is the hottest free agent in sports entertainment. He introduces his friend and former tag team partner, Jinder Mahal. Mahal is an Indian wrestler that was part of a stable with Slater and Drew McIntyre known as 3MB (Three Man Band). Mick Foley comes out and says that the Raw roster is full but there is room for one more. The winner of Heath Slater and Jinder Mahal would get a contract on Raw. Slater says that no one can break up 2MB but…

Jinder Mahal vs. Heath Slater

Mahal called for a start to the match and as Slater turned around. Mahal hit a big boot to pick up the win over a confused Slater. Sadly, I don’t think that was the shortest match Slater’s had.

Winner: Jinder Mahal by pinfall (big boot)

Match Rating: 1/10


Sami Zayn vs. Seth Rollins 

This match was really great. Rollins kicked out of the Michinoku Driver and the Spin-Out Powerbomb closely. He also ducked out of two Helluva Kicks.

Sami Zayn went for a splash but Rollins countered it and tried to go for a Pedigree. Zayn slipped Rollins over his head and went for the Helluva Kick. Rollins ducked out at the last second which resulted in a caught up Zayn. Rollins hit the Pedigree for the victory.

Winner: Seth Rollins by pinfall (Pedigree-Double under hook facebuster)

Match Rating: 9/10


Paul Heyman is out and he introduces Brock Lesnar. He cuts a promo about how Orton thinks that he can beat Lesnar. He says that the voices in Orton’s head are full of “malarkey”. He then states that Orton won’t be able to RKO Lesnar. As he said that, Randy Orton hit an RKO on Brock Lesnar from behind (he wasn’t supposed to be there as Orton is on Smackdown Live). Security and the refs came out but Orton had made a quick escape and was in the crowd.

Otherwise an amazing promo by Paul Heyman.

Thanks for reading. If you have questions email me at: jackychen763@gmail.com

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Jacky Chen

I love the Eagles and the 76ers and take out my enjoyment in writing.

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