By Jesse Hartnett
The NFL season is officially upon us with the start of training camp all across the league. What has made it official in the NFC East? The Redskins have already lost a projected starting linebacker for the season with a torn ACL, the Giants are nowhere to be found, an Eagles rookie has dyed his hair green, and the Dallas Cowboys have crashed the team bus.
And now time for a geography lesson.
Did you know that out of the four teams, there are only two teams in the NFC East that even play in the same state as the city they represent? So how many teams actually play in the city they represent? Of course the answer is one.
The Philadelphia Eagles play their brand of football in beautiful sunny southwest Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The City of Brotherly Love. The Cradle of Liberty. The Birthplace of America. South Philly is the home of the cheesesteak and a sizzling hotbed of mobster activity, but on Sundays, eighty thousand plus can be found nuzzled into The Linc winning spelling bees to the chant of E! A! G! L! E! S! EAGLES!!!
Let’s take a short trip up 95 North on our way to the Big Apple to see our brothers in blue. We don’t have to go far to find the home of the New York Giants. We just have to cross over the Delaware River into the Smokestack State of North Jersey to find the concrete, asphalt, swamp and urban sprawl wonderland that is MetLife Stadium. Notice I didn’t say New Jersey. There is no such thing.
There is North Jersey, where everything and everyone pretends to be a New Yawkah and there is South Jersey, where everything is beautiful and great basking in Philadelphia’s warm glow. Or is that radiation poisoning floating down the turnpike from North Jersey? What is this lump on my skin? Was it there yesterday?
The East Rutherford North Jersey Giants haven’t had a sniff of the City that Never Sleeps since 1973 when they played at Yankee Stadium in the Bronx. There’s no shame in sharing a home with your city’s baseball team. But when they win more games in a week than you do all season, something has to give. The G-men were evicted by the Yankees just winning two dismal games into the 1973 season.
|1973 New York Giants season|
|Head coach||Alex Webster|
|Home field||Yankee Stadium (2 games),
Yale Bowl (5 games)
|Division place||5th NFC East|
|Playoff finish||did not qualify|
After that, they went on to sharing a studio apartment with the Ivy League Powerhouse Bulldogs (lol) at the Yale Bowl Stadium in New Haven, Connecticut while the Giants struggled to get their life back together like a newly divorced single dad trying to juggle work, splitting time with the kids, and getting back in the swing of things in the dating scene.
Two things? One, is it a bowl or a stadium? You can’t have both! And two, Connecticut? Are you freaking kidding me? No wonder they settled for North Jersey.
Then it was on to Queens for a spell where the Mets welcomed the Giants to Shea Stadium with open arms in 1975 while the Mansion in the Swamp was being built-in the *cough* Meadowlands. Sorry, something in my throat… And that was all she wrote. Bye bright lights and big city living.
Now, let’s take a journey into one of the biggest train-wreck mess of all time. There has never been a bigger we need to talk about Kevin team in all of the history of sports than “the team in Washington”. Are we still doing that? How can we even do that? They don’t play in freaking Washington! Ok. The team in Landover, Maryland. Aye yay aye, oi vey, I’m getting a headache.
Whatever, the Rrrr. The Rrrre… The Redskins. “Oh no, he said it!”
Carrying on, the Redskins, ahem, obviously don’t have a home state. They have a district. Fair enough. Not their fault our nation’s leaders were superstitious about changing the number of stars on the flag. Can’t blame anyone for that.
The last time the team from Washington actually played in The District was the same year you were doing the Macarena. Yes 1996, for those of you counting at home. That was the last time the burgundy and gold warriors of Washington suited up for our nation’s capital. That year, the Skins became the first team in professional football history to start a season with seven wins after eight games and not make the playoffs. You like that! Shortly after, Dan Snyder bought the team, moved headquarters to Ashburn, Virginia and the rest shall we say, is history.
Speaking of history and I mean ancient history, how bout them Cowboys? There is no better segue, I’m sorry. Troy Aikman, Emmitt Smith, Michael Irvin, Jimmy Johnson. Oh, Roger Staubach, Tom Landry, Greg Hardy. Wait, never mind.
Yes, let’s talk history. When is the last time Dem Boyz of Arlington played in Big D? Get out your poofy hair and bell bottoms because that would be 1971 in the Cotton Bowl. Groovy baby!
America’s team hails from Arlington by way of Irving, Texas, where headquarters is located. Do you know the motto for Irving, Texas? “Delivering Exceptional Service”. Now Jerrah’s press conference is starting to make sense.
In contrast, we have the phreaking Philadelphia Eagles! Never been a front. Never been a fraud. When have the Eagles ever not played their home games in Philly? The answer: NEVER!
The Baker Bowl
15th and Huntingdon Streets
- 1936-1939 and again in 1941
The Philadelphia Municipal Stadium is later known as JFK
South Broad Street
- 1940 and 1942-1957
Shibe Park aka Connie Mack Stadium
N 21st St & W Lehigh Avenue
South 33rd and Spruce Streets
3501 South Broad Street
Lincoln Financial Field
1020 Pattison Avenue
Notice a theme here?
The Philadelphia Eagles are the only team in the NFC East that is true. The only team that doesn’t feed its fan base boldface falsehoods every time it steps on the field. Got a Dallas Cowboys coffee cup? You’re drinking your morning brew out of lies!
Now that the facts are out on the table, now that you know the truth about the NFC East, you can wake up in the morning and put your favorite team’s attire. Will you be wearing it with peace of mind knowing that your team truly represents the city they claim or will you be second guessing your affiliation? There’s only one team that rings true and they wear midnight green.